How I Finally Stopped Caring About Spending

And Why You Probably Should Too

The financial independence world has a funny relationship with spending. On paper, we obsess over investments, spreadsheets, and safe withdrawal rates. There are arguments about whether 4% is too conservative, whether 4.7% or 5% is mathematically more accurate, and endless threads about how to optimize asset allocation down to the decimal.

But beneath all that noise, I think there’s a simpler truth:

We don’t actually want to spend.

We think we do. We say we do. We fantasize about the freedom to spend openly. But most people pursuing financial independence spend far less than they safely could. They live well below their means, die with millions, and never really experience the abundance they worked for.

I’m not judging anyone—I’m describing myself.

I spent years thinking I had a spending problem, that I needed to allow myself to enjoy life, that I needed to lighten up. I analyzed my relationship with money over and over, and eventually something clicked: every phase of my financial journey made spending feel wrong, just in different ways. Understanding that is what finally allowed me to let go.

Here are the three seasons of my financial life, and how each one shaped my (very dysfunctional) relationship with spending.

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Season One: Accumulation and the Chase

Before financial independence, my entire mission was getting there faster.

I was saving aggressively, investing every dollar I could, watching the numbers rise. It was thrilling in a way, and deeply validating. But it came with a cost: spending money felt terrible.

If I bought something, I didn’t think “how nice, I’m enjoying my life.”

I thought, “this is slowing me down.”

Every dollar spent was a dollar not invested. Every choice that wasn’t “optimal” felt like delaying my freedom. Even when I could afford something, I didn’t feel good about buying it.

This is the dirty secret of the FI accumulation phase:

you feel rich on paper and poor in your mind.

I was proud of my progress but anxious all the time. I told myself, “When I finally get there, it will all feel different.” Spoiler: it didn’t.

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Season Two: Financial Independence… and Fear

When I crossed the threshold into financial independence, I expected relief. No more worrying about money, right?

Instead, I was terrified.

I had enough, mathematically. I knew the spreadsheets worked. But I was suddenly overwhelmed with the idea of losing everything I’d built. Loss aversion kicked in hard. When the market dipped, I imagined catastrophe. If I bought something expensive, I wondered whether this was the beginning of the end.

In that phase, spending didn’t feel like freedom. It felt like attack.

It’s wild: I could spend more than I ever had, but I felt worse about spending than during my accumulation years.

And many people in the FI community live here—trapped in a weird scarcity mindset with a wealthy bank account.

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Season Three: The “Rich Life” Experiment

Then I started thinking differently. I listened to people like Ramit Sethi, who talk about spending on what you love, crafting a “rich life,” being intentional and unapologetic.

I thought: Yes. This is it. I should spend more. I earned this.

So I did.

I spent on experiences. I bought the nice things. I said yes instead of analyzing price tags. I wasn’t reckless—I just let myself enjoy life without hesitation.

And here’s the surprising part:

It didn’t feel good either.

I expected joy, exhilaration, freedom. Instead, it felt… neutral. Pleasant, but not fulfilling. Spending money for the sake of spending money did nothing for me. It wasn’t emotional. It wasn’t transformative. It didn’t change my relationship with money.

And that’s when the realization finally hit me.

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The Breakthrough: It’s Not About Spending or Saving

In all three phases—accumulating, protecting, and indulging—spending money never actually made me feel good.

Saving didn’t necessarily feel good either.

The thinking about money was the problem.

I was assigning meaning to every dollar spent and every dollar saved. I was trying to optimize my feelings through financial decisions. I was treating money like a moral scorecard, even though no one else cared.

So I stopped caring.

Not in a reckless, burn-it-all-down way.

In a stop giving it emotional power way.

Today, if I need a car, I buy one.

If I want to go on vacation, I go.

If something breaks, I replace it.

I don’t think about whether I could have gotten it cheaper.

I don’t run scenarios about what that money could have grown into in 30 years.

I don’t track every penny anymore.

I focus on value and happiness. That’s it.

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The Safety Net: Believing in My Own Abundance

Here’s the part most people in the FI community struggle to accept:

If I make a mistake, I’ll fix it.

If I somehow spend too much and my net worth drops, I can earn money again. I’ve earned money before. I can earn it in a hundred different ways. I don’t need to cling to scarcity.

That thought—I can always create more—has been more freeing than any savings milestone, net worth number, or withdrawal rate calculation.

I spent years terrified of losing financial independence. Now I realize it was never a fragile, one-shot deal. It’s a skillset, not a lottery ticket.

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This Is What Abundance Finally Looks Like for Me

For the first time in my adult life, I’m not stressed about spending.

I’m not stressed about saving.

I’m not stressed about money at all.

I don’t care whether my withdrawal rate is 4% or 5% or 7%.

I don’t care if inflation goes up.

I don’t care if the market dips.

Not because I’m oblivious—because I finally trust myself.

Money is no longer the center of my emotional world.

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Maybe Your Problem Isn’t Spending Either

I see so many people in the FI community struggling with this. They’re wealthy by every definition, but miserable when they spend and anxious when they don’t. That isn’t financial freedom. That’s mental captivity.

Maybe the answer isn’t:

• a tighter budget

• a higher withdrawal rate

• a fancier spreadsheet

• or a new investing strategy

Maybe the answer is letting go.

Spend when it makes sense.

Don’t spend when it doesn’t.

And don’t attach your happiness to either one.

Assume you’ll figure it out. Because you will.

If financial independence is supposed to give us freedom, then the most radical thing we can do is actually feel free.

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